The 4 Ways to Heal your Relationships using Energy
Valentine’s day is around the corner and this past weekend I was happy to spend both days with different friends in my life with the same topic popping up– how do we solve relationship problems?
It’s also been exactly a year ago that my boyfriend and I were having a low in our relationship. We were both committed but struggling to get it back to a happier place. It can be so hard when you’re in that place!
Since that time, I’ve learned there is a ton you can do just using energy. So, this is Part I of a two part series to guide you in healing your relationships using energy.
This week I’ll break down 4 ways in which our thoughts, emotions, words and actions can strongly affect our relationships and how to utilize these to heal your relationship (no need to ask someone else to change here!).
In Part 2 of this serious, I give a short Pranic Healing session to help open your heart and remove negative thoughts and emotions that are negatively influencing your relationships— click here to connect with that.
I’m not going to be giving relationship advice, only how to heal relationships using energy from what I’ve learned from Master Choa Kok Sui and Pranic Healing. This can be used for romantic relationships, as well as for family and friendships.
My boyfriend and I in Aspen this past fall. We are far far from perfect, but I’ve gained so much wisdom from healing our relationship that’s infusing this blog post.
Take your power back in relationships by utilizing your own energy.
When you use your own energy to heal your relationships, it’s empowering. Instead of blaming the other person, you take your power back to change the dynamic using the power of your own thoughts, emotions, mood and focus.
This is the basis of the Relationship Healing module I offer in the 6 week container of mental and emotional healing using energy, The Deep Healing Transformation– click here to learn more.
That’s not to say that the other person isn’t doing something harmful to you. It takes two to tango and a relationship is a system, so they are probably doing something that is hurting the relationship. Yes, you still may decide to express it and bring it up in your communication and I’m not saying not to do this. But the truth is, you can’t control anyone else. If you spend your life trying to control other people so you feel better, you’re left in a constant state of insecurity and disempowerment. This is no way to live.
Once you stop focusing on changing other people and start focusing on cultivating your own inner source of positivity and happiness, things will shift in your relationship.
This isn’t a new idea. This is echoed across many different perspectives and disciplines that I’ve encountered on my own healing journey.
It’s the basis of the Law of Attraction paradigm. I listened to a lot of Abraham Hicks videos for relationship advice, and quite frankly, it was hard to hear but it was freeing. They echo that to shift a relationship, use the power of your thoughts to focus on the positive qualities of the other person. When you do that, you attract those positive qualities from them and others in your interactions.
It’s also the cornerstone of traditional codependency recovery perspectives, like in Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. That text is arguably a little outdated, but the basic premise is that the solution isn’t changing your partner– it’s changing yourself. She recommends you put your focus back onto yourself and invest your time and energy into hobbies, passions and purposes that bring you alive and nourish your soul instead of hyper focusing on your partner. Once you become more independent and happy, your partner will start shifting or you’ll be at a better place where you can decide that you’re done.
On my quest to gain coaching techniques to enrich my practice, I found the same idea in the Seven Levels of Consciousness framework from the work of Richard Barrett. Based on Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, this framework denotes the seven levels of development of human consciousness. In the first 3 levels, people operate from a more survival and egocentric based consciousness, where they see themselves as victims of other people’s actions and society at large. Transcending these lower levels means to assume personal responsibility for all areas of our lives and assume that power instead of blaming other things outside of our control.
My friend this past weekend also mentioned The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz, the author of The Four Agreements. I haven’t read this yet, but apparently the message is that by focusing on healing our own emotional wounds and cultivating happiness and love within our own being, our relationships will flow with more love, acceptance and freedom for all.
The overall theme from all of these is that you can heal your relationships by taking your power back and focusing on becoming a happier, more fulfilled and positive person.
A couple kissing with a beautiful sunset and…omg, are they swinging on a lake?!!
How do you explain this in the energetic world of relationships? Let’s break it down into 4 energetic explanations that you can hack and use to heal your relationships.
1. Thoughts, emotions and moods are energetically contagious– so if you’re in a more happy, loving, positive mood, you’ll share that with others and you’ll have a more positive experience together.
Have you ever spent some time with someone who was grumpy and complaining? How did you feel afterwards? Probably not good. That’s because they transferred some of their energy to you and because you were probably trying to uplift them or lend them an ear, you opened up your energy field to them and absorbed it unconsciously. Afterwards, they probably felt better because they unloaded some of the negativity onto you.
You have a huge influence over others just by your overall energy levels and moods. A huge component to these are the quality of your thoughts, which create a cascade of emotions.
By practicing more positive and grateful thoughts, you’ll cultivate feelings of love, happiness and gratitude within you and that will lift up your mood. Everyone you interact with, either in person or virtually, will be influenced by you and you’ll find yourself flowing from one positive interaction to another.
Just by focusing on cultivating love, happiness and joy within your own life you can strongly influence all of your relationships, especially the more difficult ones. So focus on your emotional healing journey, do things that you love, spend time around people who uplift you, be of service to others and find purpose and meaning in your life no matter how small.
2. You’re entitled to receive what you give, so ditch the critical eye for love, forgiveness, acceptance and gratitude in your relationship.
The Law of Karma is a fundamental law of our Universe. You get what you give. It’s exact, so you can’t outsmart it. In general, you could receive what you give immediately or in future lifetimes.
For relationships, I find that you get what you give either immediately or in a short while. It doesn’t take much time if you’re close.
When you focus on the positive aspects of why you love the other person and you practice love, acceptance, kindness and service towards them, they will start responding in kind either as soon as you start doing it or in a short time. I don’t only mean with your actions, but also with your thoughts, emotions and words. These are just as powerful energetically as actions.
The opposite is also true. Practice thoughts, feelings, words and actions of intolerance and being critical of the other person and see how long it takes for them to start serving negativity back to you.
Try it today and see what comes back to you from the other person! Experiment and have fun with it.
3. When you think negatively about someone, you send them negative energy, which can negatively affect their energy level and mood. The opposite is also true— so think positively about them!
We did an experiment in a Pranic Healing class once. Two people were called on stage. One person was instructed to think negative thoughts about the other person. As they did this, the rest of us in the audience were scanning the energy field of the other person.
To our amazement, the energy field of the person who was receiving the negative thoughts about them got weaker and smaller. It was apparent that the negative thoughts directed at them were zapping their life force. This often translates to feeling tired and being in a lower mood.
There’s a lot to take away from this experiment. One, that thoughts are just as powerful as actions or words in their ability to affect other people. Two, that thinking negatively about someone actually decreases their life force which often can be experienced as fatigue and a lower mood. As we all know, relationships with tired and grumpy people aren’t fun, enjoyable or easy.
So if you want the other person in your relationship to be vibrant, loving, happy and positive– send them positive thoughts and emotions. Focus on the qualities you love about them. Give them compliments either out loud or in your head. Send them love, compassion and gratitude with your thoughts, words and actions.
You can do this with a loved one or with a stranger to positively affect your interactions. Try it with your waiter at a restaurant or with your Uber driver and see which direction their overall energy and mood goes during your time together.
This is a powerful way to shift your relationship and all it involves is changing the way you think about the other person. No need to ask anyone to change.
4. Your relationship is it’s own energetic entity– so feed it loving, positive energy with your thoughts!
This is a weird idea for people who aren’t familiar with energy, but thoughts and ideas are energetic entities in the energetic dimension. Highly developed clairvoyants can see them. As people feed them with their own mental and emotional energies, they morph and become stronger. As thought entities become stronger, they have a stronger influence on people who connect with them and also tend to start showing up in physical reality (this is a concept used to explain manifestation).
You and the other person feed the thought form of your relationship with your own thoughts and attitudes about the relationship. There’s only two of you who are feeding it, so that gives you 50% of the power to positively influence your relationship.
If you want to positively affect your relationship and manifest the version of it that you dream of, think positively about it. Focus on the aspects that you love about it, even if it’s only a few things. Focus on the beautiful things that this person does for you in the relationship, even if only a few things. Focus on all the amazing memories you’ve had with this person, even if only a few. Use the focus of your mind to pour a ton of good energy into the thought form!
Even if you’re the only person doing this, you can turn the relationship around if you really focus and put a lot of good energy into the idea of your relationship. You are half of the relationship, so you have a lot of power to influence it.
This increases the likelihood that this happy, loving version of the relationship will manifest into physical reality. It also makes the thought form of the relationship more positive, and this in turn influences the both of you to act in accordance with this energetic idea of the relationship since you are both two halves of the thought form.
I hope this energetic perspective of relationships and how we can positively influence them just with the power of our own thoughts, emotions, words and actions gives you some good ideas to put into practice to shift a more difficult relationship!
Next week, in addition to the short Pranic Healing session, I’ll also offer two grounded tools for you to practice to help you shower the other person and your relationship with a lot of positive, loving energy– forgiveness and gratitude.
Try one of these out and comment below— how did it affect your relationship? 💖